Introduction - Part 2

Continuing from my day yesterday, I must say and reiterate what an amazing experience it was to gift those gifts. Thank-you so much to everyone who made this possible. A little bit really went a long way. The big hits were the soccer balls, the barbie, art supplies and the nice clothing.
Soon after the gift giving, we all went outside and played soccer. The kids literally dripped off of me, always holding, hugging and calling my name. They did anything to impress, from standing on their hands; crossing their eyes and doing flips. It was quite cute and impressive. The children are also eager to learn more English and asked me to read words on packaging etc. They were also eager to teach me Romanian, which I soaked in.

They also encountered two fascinations; my blue eyes and ripped knee jeans. They were staring at my eyes and asking if they were real. They were gasping and laughing when I said no. Then, was the ongoing saga of the ripped jeans, and let me tell you - it sure made each one quite curious. I told the kids that in Canada, they are "cool", and they looked at me like I was crazy. Before I knew it, their hands were going inside the holes and this continued all afternoon. Even the staff said to me "freezie?"

Later in the day, I went out for dinner with a staff worker named Ted. He is a nice, young, professional man that helps House of Angels and has been quite the tour guide and translator. Thank-you Ted! We went out to the town for dinner and I enjoyed a very delicious pizza. I also saw a very interesting manequin in the window that was mooning the pedestrians with no panties. Perhaps it is inappropriate to mention it, but alas, it made me laugh so hard it hurt!

For those that have not had the priviledge of visiting Romania, it truly is quite a sight to see. The area that I am in is the country, and compared to Canada, certain areas are quite rural. Romania came out of the communist republic only 16 years ago and just joined the European Union on January 1, 2007. So, I think it is accurate to say that they are just on their way to developing a very amazing economic country!

The areas that I have seen in the country so far, have consisted of flat plains with horse and wagon, with older woman loitering the streets with a stick cane. Speed limits are not apparent on the highways, and it seems like only the best survive. Semi trucks pass other semi trucks, its quite hilarious! The roads in certain areas are quite poor too. Looks like they specialize in patching up previously patched up jobs. Apparently, the logan car is not a desired car! And, if you are driving an older car, or rather a complete "beater", the cops pull you over and interview you!

For some jokes or general info on Romania, check out this link! It is quite funny! And yes, most of it seems true!

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/What_I_Didn't_Know_about_Romania

P.S. I hope to post photos of the kids within the next day. My laptop does not have the proper converter, and so I have been using the HOA's office computer.

Introduction Day - Part 1

Today was a very exciting day at the House of Angels, and for myself of course.

The day started with presents, and it was quite the orchestration. Apparently the two soccer balls that were gifted were such a hot item that they could not be gifted to an individual child. That was no problem at all, so I scrambled and divided up some of the gifts to create two extra gifts.

When I gave the gifts, the children were naturally awkward, but once they left the room and realized what they received, they were so happy. Really, I don't think I could put their reaction into words.

I entered the main play room, and introduced myself to the children. As soon as I did this, all I could hear chanted was "Jana! Jana!" It was very sweet, but a little overwhelming at first. Within a few seconds, I was so joyful to be with these children that it didn't seem to matter. I literally had the children hanging off my arms, hugging me and surrounding me. To the left, right, front and back.

I have much more to say, but honestly had 3 hours of sleep last night (street dogs barking and fighting kept me up) and it is 11pm Romania time and crashing...will report back tomorrow.

Arrived

I arrived in Romania today and what a whirlwind it has been! The administrator; George picked me up from the very small airport and we drove 90 minutes through the dark streets to House of Angels. He drove a very small and old car that literally vibrated and the wind whistled through the windows. There is also a very cold, rainy and windy storm happening right now too.
As we drove through the vast areas, street dogs roamed and the odd person would be riding their bike or walking on the side of the road. It is much different than home, and to be blunt, it is quite rural in comparison.

90 minutes later, we pulled up to a grand fence and entered through with the assistance of the guard. George showed me around the facility, and I am the only one staying here right now. It is the facility for the children's meals, education, physical therapy and medical needs.
The wind is blowing and it is still quite cold, so it is a little hard to sleep right now, and I probably should, it is 1 am Romania time.

I will be meeting the children, the staff and posting photos tomorrow...stay tuned!

Almost there...

Today I had a very relaxing day in London. To be honest, most of it was spent in a bus with other folks, but the places we explored were absolutely amazing! It was a 13 hour day in the country and took me to Stonehenge, the Cotswolds; Roman Baths; City of Bath; William Shakespears birthplace and Stratford.

I must tell you much how I needed this day (and also wanted a day to breath and simply enjoy life) and not work! I am now on their clock, although Romania is 2 more hours ahead.

Tomorrow morning I am off to Romania, where I will be picked up by a lady named Simona from the facility. I am flying on Wizz Air into Bucharest and then will be driven approximately 50 km. My very large suitcase is packed with the gifts and I am ready! I have been practicing and reviewing my Romanian tonight and going through my checklist. I am quite eager to get there and start this experience, but I have had bouts of emotions…excited, anxious and now feeling nervous.

What do I have to be nervous about? I am not sure, but I suppose that is just the problem. The unknown and something this large that is out of my control is not a good thing for my mind. It is something us “radlets” struggle with on a constant basis. Yes, the lovely C word: Control.

However, I tell myself it will be fine, it is always fine. What doesn’t kill you - will make you stronger. My day of distraction was quite good for me, and now I am sitting in my hotel room and thinking. I must shut off my brain and go to sleep now.

I will be back tomorrow night! Wish me luck!

Thank-you!

The Romania Mission has been an absolute success, thanks to the kind hearts of my friends, family, business associates and general public.

Last night at around midnight, I found myself wrapping, allocating and organizing the gifts for the children. It was a surreal experience to see this all come together and realize and value how much it took for everyone to share, care and contribute.

On top of the gifts, was the task of raising funds, and again it was a success.

I am now starting to realize how close this mission is, and that I will be there before I know it. It feels surreal to plan and work hard on something like this for months and now, with two days to go, I am ready, planned, focused and proud.

I remind you all that I will be blogging and posting photos while I am there, so please stay tuned!

Thanks again to everyone for your support!

We have made a huge difference together!

Fantasizing! I get so emotional baby!

As a young child, around the age of 9, I was absolutely enamored with the pop singer Whitney Houston. I would listen to her tape at every moment; sing along with all the words memorized perfectly and would lay in bed at night with a fabulously fantasized dream.

I dreamt and fantasized that Whitney Houston was my biological mother, and she would come and “rescue” me.

When I day dreamed about her, I would feel happy; elated and proud. My biological mother is a super star and she wanted me back! (Side note: I am quite pale and Whitney is an Afro-American, but to a child’s mind, a fantasy is far from intellectual).

When I was 10 years old, my father took me to her concert. I actually dreamed the night before that Whitney would call my name and ask to reunite on stage, and my life would begin with her. Then, at the concert, I waited and listened. No name, no mention, no fantasy reunion. It was one of my first let downs. I returned home with a large poster of this beautiful diva, and layed in bed and cried. My parents never knew of this fantasy…I suppose I felt awkward to tell them I wanted someone else to be my parent. I was also afraid of their reaction to even let on a little bit.
It is very common for adopted children to fantasize about their biological parents. In the instances of abandonment I believe it can make the fantasy far easier to achieve.

According to psychiatrist Dr. Barbara Stilwell, "Many children have fantasies that they have another set of parents somewhere who are superhuman beings . . . These fantasies arise when a child becomes angry at his parents. They dissipate when a child learns that he can love and hate the same person."

I would like to challenge this theory in the instance of abandonment. Since there is so much mystery, trauma and susceptibility to reactive attachment disorder, I would like to believe that this will happen no matter how the child feels towards the adoptive parent.

However, based on the child’s story and the child’s personal beliefs, the child may not dream of the adoptive parent as such a glossy individual. If the adopted child doesn't fantasize that they are handsome and wealthy, the opposite may be played. The child may think of the darker side of life. The child may think that their biological parents could have been a sex worker, a drug addict or an overall “bad” person. That is particularly dangerous, but I believe that the adoptive parents influence and positive remarks can kill these ideas, if it is started early enough in the child's life.

If the child does not fully fantasize and label the biological parent, the child will (at certain points in their life) think of whom their biological parents may be and conjure up some ideas. These ideas may not be shared with you, so don't be offended. Its like a deck of cards that are held too close to share.

And for the record, I am still waiting for Ms. Houston to return to Vancouver for another concert and yes, I’ll pay through the nose to be in front row, but without the tears.

My 30th Birthday

So, today is the day I think I was born. Tonight actually is probably the best guess – based on my newspaper articles. I think I was abandoned early in the morning on the 14th and believed to be a few hours old.

My children gave me presents and a cake. It was very sweet to see them care, but truth be told, I don’t want to “celebrate”. I obviously have the sense to understand why they want to celebrate my birthday, and I appreciate that they made such an effort. I receive it with smiles and hugs, but deep down I am in pain and not connected.
I don’t feel happy, and I am unsure if it’s even my birth date to begin with. So…I pretend and go with my day in my numb and withdrawn body.

I went shopping, surfed the net and played with my boys to pass the time and distract myself from reality. I haven’t cried yet, but I suppose the day is not over.

The day will fade and I will get happier with the days to come, but for today, I’m in the dark zone.