So, today is the day I think I was born. Tonight actually is probably the best guess – based on my newspaper articles. I think I was abandoned early in the morning on the 14th and believed to be a few hours old. My children gave me presents and a cake. It was very sweet to see them care, but truth be told, I don’t want to “celebrate”. I obviously have the sense to understand why they want to celebrate my birthday, and I appreciate that they made such an effort. I receive it with smiles and hugs, but deep down I am in pain and not connected.
I don’t feel happy, and I am unsure if it’s even my birth date to begin with. So…I pretend and go with my day in my numb and withdrawn body.
I went shopping, surfed the net and played with my boys to pass the time and distract myself from reality. I haven’t cried yet, but I suppose the day is not over.
The day will fade and I will get happier with the days to come, but for today, I’m in the dark zone.
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