Hope

(My son just minutes after he was born).

I found myself at the Bowring store on Saturday with my eldest son. We were looking through the Christmas decorations and I found a very interesting decoration. It was a jeweled encrusted word “Hope”.

For those that don’t know, my first name was Bonnie Vanessa Hope. Apparently, the nurses at the hospital gave me this name. The word, or rather name is quite common for abandoned babies. Many orphans are given this last name, and even orphanages are frequently named with this word.

My son looked at me concerned, and he said “oooh, mom, that’s your name right? I mean, your first name right?” I answered quietly “yes.” He then replied, “oh well, we shouldn’t get this since it will make you too sad.” I agree and we moved on.

I went on with my day, but later I thought about this more. Where is the line that we draw on the uncomfortable feelings and embracing this with a positive outlook?

I don’t think there is a clear answer. Every situation is different, timing is different and the point in a person’s life is different. I suppose for me, it is Christmas, which is a stressful time (good stress is still stress), and I’ll admit that I have always felt sadness at this time of year.

Do I need a trigger hanging on my Christmas tree? Do I need this name taunting me as I walk by? No.

Should I embrace this word as something to empower me and remind of what I have today? Well, perhaps that’s a novel idea, but for the season, I will tuck that away and keep my virgin, untainted tree just the way it is.